Gold or Platinum? Choose wisely!
Every ancient tradition seems to have a version of the Golden Rule – Treat others the way you want to be treated. While this is a powerful rule, I would offer that you consider the Platinum Rule – Treat others the way they want to be treated.
Humans are stubborn, autonomous creatures that are inherently self-serving. We love to hear the sound of our own voice, hear the sound of our own names, and to be treated in ways that agree with our own set of morality, beliefs, and philosophies.
People rebel against being treated any other way, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Why is this important?
Many of the CEOs and executives I work with face a common challenge around
communication. The typical sentiment is something like: “I said something to someone, and it did not have the intended effect. If someone had said the same thing to me, it would have worked perfectly.”
This is a classic example of the Golden Rule at work. The underlying assumption is that others think, feel, and operate in a way that is similar to you.
So, for example, you may be a very direct person and prefer that people are very direct with you. However, you find yourself working with someone who is uncomfortable being direct and gets easily offended when someone is direct with them.
In such a situation, communication can get off the rails very easily.
So, do you want me to be a chameleon?
That may be what springs to your mind in light of what we’ve just discussed. Well, to answer the question, I would say you should be open to it, as counter-intuitive as it sounds.
Let’s actually consider how chameleons actually behave. They are some of the most adaptable creatures out there. Not only can they change colors, but their feet can also work like salad tongs.
Their eyes have an incredible range of motion of 90 degrees vertically and 180 degrees horizontally. And their eyes can also move in opposite directions. Their tongues can be 2.5 times as long as their body.
I am sorry to digress, but I am not asking you to be inauthentic, I am asking you to be agile and flex your style.
I have had the pleasure of driving in many different countries. As you know the right side of the street in one country can be the wrong side of the street in another. So, if you want to drive and stay alive, you have to adapt.
Similarly, depending on who you are communicating with, you would be well served if you can flex your style.
Enough theory, how do I apply this in the real world?
Here are some tips:
1. The first step is to be aware of your communication style – What is your normal pace of talking? Do you ask a lot of questions or make a lot of statements? Do you like to get things done quickly or do you prefer to do them perfectly?
2. The next step is to notice the other person’s communication style – Notice how the other person behaves. Do they speak fast or do they speak slowly? Do they ask a lot of questions or do they make a lot of statements?
Are they focused on results and outcomes or are they focused on people and relationships? Do they tend to go deep into the details or do they stay very high-level?
3. The final step is to ask yourself: “How do I need to flex and make some minor adjustments? Do I need to slow down or speed up? Am I focused on the same thing as the other person? Am I speaking at a similar depth or altitude as the other person?”
The platinum rule can be a game-changer – Try it!
Take a step back and think about the relationships you have, both personal and professional. Think of the relationships that are lacking in some way: those unfulfilling or otherwise difficult relationships.
Now consider how exactly you communicate with the other person. Ask yourself how you approach them. Do you speak their language? Do you mirror their communication style?
Try to experiment with applying the platinum rule. You may be surprised at the impact it could have on those relationships. Put aside how you think people should be treated. Lay aside how you would want to be treated. Simply treat people the way they want to be treated. Your personal and professional growth may depend on it.
